There is so much more space and peace in my mind now that I no longer take my mental ill health personally:
that it is not something happening to me, but rather simply is.
The main branches of my mental weakness seem to be a lack of ability to concentrate and keep concentrated – my mind’s eye is swept up like a feather by any gust of interest or feeling or image. – This can be trained. Start with the breath.
Weak boundaries and weak self-control seem to make my psyche diffuse like a mist and prone to flow along with any impulse or swirl of feeling. – Self-Discipline and physical exercise will heal that.
“Weak will to live” seem the right words to describe a lack of forward power into life – into manifestation – into self-hood. It’s not an unconsciousness that takes life for granted. It’s a lens that sees no inherent value in life or living. – Love will heal that.
These three branches stem from the main trunk of the desire to “not be a person”. This is the bottle-neck strangling the natural flow of life with a reluctant resistance to live and exist as a person.
Weak Self-Love… How is it to hold your own self in awareness?
Where is my own self?
The person then.
Immediately a feeling of resentment.
Who resents?
I.
I who? That I is the I that must surrender its little resistance against the prison of personhood and surrender its very self too.
That I must be seen through as empty and disregarded as an impersonal object of non-self in presence-self. It must be seen as uninteresting and unworthy of attention. Surrender that self-interest.