I want to remind myself, lest I fall into personal identification with the healing journey and turn it into an identity, that nothing belongs to me.
That the life story of my personal self, my psyche, my mental health, and my healing are not mine for me to be preoccupied and concerned about. They are real, but they are not True. I must admit I have never been form, and that the truth in the present is that I have ever been self-fulfilled formless presence.
The truth is that it is precisely identification with the body and mind that disrupts the natural flow of bliss and ease with the weight, information, tension, and bottle-necks of a personal entity that resists and interferes with what is.
True healing is then this: the moving out of personal identification with form: a giving back of things and their outcomes to impersonal oneness. Advaita Vedanta and Dzogchen masters would say just be present as presence nothing is needed. That is true, but I am evidently not emotionally mature enough for that to be real for me yet.
So until I am ready to be receptive to silence itself, the lower vehicles provide a very useful scaffold to stabilize, purify, and depersonalize the psyche step by step. And with my mental health issues, I will have to take it to step by step no matter how small. Some schools of awakening say women can’t awaken in this lifetime, that they need to be reborn as a man first. That’s BS. The same is true for the mentally ill person. Healing is possible. Awakening this lifetime is possible.
Awakening and Healing are one as a process of first embodying unconditional impersonal self-love as a foundation to later embodying unconditional impersonal love (for all).
So it is with a spirit of surrendered impersonal compassion that I tend to my own psyche and mental health: like a garden so that it can thrive and come to life. Repairing my disordered personality and thinking like a broken vase so that it can better and more beautifully offer an outpouring of love into the unity of life.
