-
False indifference
The indifference is false. So overwhelmed by inner resistance to what happened, what is, what might be, So concerned by what was not, what isn’t, what could never be, I put a lid of indifference over my fears and anxieties; my grief, sorrow, regrets too. Precisely because it does hurt so much, I tried to…
-
Selfishness & Selfcare
I sort of just drift through people and places. There’s loneliness, so there is motivation to connect, but there’s something in the way. I don’t connect, so my interactions with others are transactional: I end up only using them when I need something. For functional relationships like colleagues and lovers, that’s good enough: that’s what…
-
The Underground River of Life
Something has changed in me. Life: the flames of life: the water of life, flows through me. I feel connected to life all around. To have sunk below the superstructure of my human identity: To have sunk deeper into life than my life-form, my body, than my species: To have made contact with the primordial…
-
Good Sex
Sex. The sex is good. The sex is the best sex I’ve ever had, and it’s introspective: What moves in me, deeper than the superstructure of my psychology: the fascination to dominate and penetrate: Deeper than what my name is and who I am: Deeper than what your name is and who you are: Life…
-
Naked Horse
Person carriers and load-pullers, fill this unhappy city, trafficking insufferable burden-baskets woven of thought and will: empty beings pursuing images of completion. Filling empty streets with the deafening meaninglessness of the hollow clamor of their futile activity and vain efforts. Amidst endless streets lined with painted signs, where sterile machines that run on greed, wrap…
-
Victimhood Junky
You don’t know me. In your arrogance, you make assumptions about my every intention and thought, but you don’t know me. You know only your worst fears about me, or versions of me you extrapolate from things that used to be true about me. We never really meet either. Our “conversations” are mostly you playing…
-
He thinks that he thinks
He thinks that he thinks. He thought that he thought. But the thinking isn’t his. The thoughts belong to none. Sel-arising thoughts belong to noone. He that he thought. But there is no him. All that is, is all there ever is. He thinks that thinks. o the fool, o no. he fool, o no.…
-
Loving the Pain to Light
Hey locked vault of unwanted feelings, I sing to you this love song. You are welcome in my heart. Hey locked vault of unwanted feelings, all pent up: you are welcome in my heart. I am ready to feel you fully and allow you so pass through me. Hey locked vault in me, filled with…
-
Just be.
There’s no one… …to love you, to acknowledge you, to save you. There is no thing… … to fulfill you, to claim, to value or give meaning. Here is all you have. Now is the only moment there is. Be grateful for each breath. Just be. Without identity, presence is self-fulfilled.
-
Spontaneously Self-Manifesting
None of these spontaneously self-manifesting phenomena are me or mine: not these feet, nor these legs. Not the chill of this wind. None of these spontaneously self-manifesting phenomena are me or mine: not these streets, nor the sky. Not these trees. None of these spontaneously self-manifesting phenomena are me or mine: not these hands, not…
-
-
-
-
Reciprocity: the Invisible wall
Loneliness triggers me to disassociate the most, In this life, I have no one: I matter to no one and no one matters to me. I’ve been completely unable to form secure attachments of any kind. My nervous system is so completely frozen by unresolved traumatic response; my hyper-vigilance filtering every interaction into fight or…
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
